If I ever wondered if HE loved me

So, I'm going to admit how pathetic and "of little faith" I can be with this post. Of course, there needs to be a bit of prelude-type explanation.

On Nov. 20th my husband and I will celebrate a special anniversary -- 4 years since leaving our home -- the only one we've known in Sherwood Park, Canada -- and driving, with only our car, clothes and guitars across the border and down, down, down to San Diego, California. (that's 1751 miles south) Our reason for the move was to pursue our music, our mission and our dreams and just a new life, pioneers of sorts. It would take me many blogs to say how many times God has shown me his love through the whole process, from easy stops at border crossings, to precisely timed Visa interviews, to lenient border guards, to miracles in paperwork and finding jobs, it is astounding how He has continually provided for us, and continually strengthens my faith through circumstance.

So, enter here and now, almost 4 years later after Visa's and permanent resident cards, social numbers and employments, the last, the VERY last thing left for me to do, to complete this transition from "Canadian" to "Southern Californian" is to get my Drivers License. Now, let me explain quickly, I don't really like to drive, I come from a family of women "non" drivers. I didn't get my license in Canada till I was 25. I would just prefer to walk truth be told. Also, I was terrified of driving when I started, then my wonderful husband bought a standard (stick they call it here) and I had to "learn to drive" all over again. Don't get me wrong, I've never been in an accident, I've never gotten a speeding ticket, I just don't really dig driving. So, I began: The giant procrastination of getting my drivers down here.

At first it was brutally easy. We only have one car, and for the first two years we were here, I wasn't even fully immigrated yet, so couldn't have applied for a license if I had wanted to. But as the years wore on, I got a job, Jay got a motorbike, I began to realize, I would have to go get this license thing pretty soon. Then, this summer I realized, my Canadian License would expire in January, I was going to have to do this thing, whether I liked it or not. And I was scared.

Scared of what? Scared I wouldn't get it of course, Go through the humiliation and studying all over again. Scared that they would refuse me, that I would have waited so long that I would get in serious trouble, all those things crossed my mind, they swam and taunted me, I even had nightmares about it ~ silly I know. I'm not even sure why on earth it was such a stumbling block for me. But I have come to realize, if you procrastinate something, it begins to own you, you become enslaved to it in a way, at least I do -- maybe it's just me.

At any rate, today was the fateful day I had to bring my butt down to the DMV (and wait in lines so long I lost track of time and function and was just glad I had my iPhone) and face the music. No matter what happened, what they said to me, I had to bite the bullet, take the test, book the drivers exam and do it. And do you know what happened?

Absolutely nothing.

They didn't even ASK to see any other photo ID except my Passport (of course, I had grabbed everything and anything I could have thought of to identify myself). I breezed right through. no questions asked, they were even nice. (I think I had expected them to be mean old bitties like Thelma and Louise on The Simpson's). I passed my written test with only two questions missed and have booked the driving portion in one month (prayers please, lol)

Of course, the untold thread running through all these words on this page is Him. I have been praying about this experience for days, weeks, asking friends to pray, reading His word, getting my strength from the words in the Bible. He told me specifically last Saturday, "Do not fear, for I am with you".

So I tried to listen. It was hard. I sort of think I failed a faith test in a way. How could I think that my Lord, who created the heavens and earth, who had seriously shown Himself faithful to all my circumstances so far, would not have taken care of me in this instance. I had no need to fear, He is ever near.

This day is a giant praise. He took care of every small detail and placed my worried heart at ease, yet again. So, if I ever wondered if He Loved me (which I don't, but sometimes act like I do) this is one way, He shows me, He does! Forever!

Till Next Blog,
love, a.

(linking today w/ my dear friend em)