This is a sappy, personal post -- just a disclaimer...

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I have come to a self conclusion today and it only took me three weeks to get here.

At a time when I am now removed pretty much completely from family and friends (aside from Jay, who has had to put up with me the last little while quite patiently) I have had to remove myself from home and possessions, self expression (being able to create art) and worship (I've been sick and have lost my voice) I found myself at a place where I felt bare and pretty much emptied of all the things which I 'thought' had held me together, and the only glue I've had to hold the pieces of me which are left is God. It is a strange place, and sad at first, and I've been stuck in the 'feel sorry for myself - pitty party' until this morning.

I went for a walk around the area we're staying in and just really cried out and I realized that God is enough, not only that but He wants to be nothing less than completely fullfilling to us. He alone wants to be the provider, sustainer, giver and creator of all that we have and all that we are and it's up to us, and at this time I realize, me, to release Him to do this. It is hard, but worth the journey. ---

They have snails in San Diego, similar to the one posted here. And as I was thinking today about my life and situation I thought I sort of reminded myself of a snail -- When snails get scared they retreat into their shell in hopes that whatever is bothering them will go away. And I'm alot like that, I'd much rather retreat and hide than deal with things, but I know that sooner or later I need to open my eyes to the world -- and after all, life is more than just crawling along, carrying our homes on our heads and hoping we don't get stepped on.

Comments

kanadians in korea said…
this is such a beautiful, baring post, ammee. what an awesome revelation you had this morning... and i can only imagine how proud God is of you. i love you so much... keep running the race girl. em.
12/16/2006 1:08 AM
Anonymous said…
This is the spiritual version of breaking the sound barrier. cool
12/16/2006 10:31 AM
Rachel said…
wow. i'm so there. it's so much easier to run away or hide in a hole than deal with the stuff that's hard, and get rid of the stuff that keeps us from God.
12/19/2006 11:25 AM
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