My VENT

This blog is going to be pessimistic ... just a disclaimer

I have had a 'tumultuous' couple of days. It's a combination of things, which I'm not going to share necessarily, perhaps another time, but it's built up into what it is today...

Emotional Rollercoaster is a better word. I've been feeling like I'm an unstable basket case, and grumpy, very moody... although the days have been spent well, with friends and somewhat relaxing I have just felt 'blah', generally sad and dumpy, and NO I am NOT pregnant.

I've come to the conclusion that I hate my 'feelings' because I feel like I can't control them.
In a world where we base our situations and our quality of life on 'how am I feeling' at the moment. Seems that the human race in North America is really good at trying to 'feel good' and pretending that we really do, when in reality, we all don't really 'feel good' at all.

I don't want to become 'sick' and hide my tears inside my heart, hoping that the smile that I wear on my face will make everyone at ease because I'm 'feeling good'.

I think the reality of my self analysis right now, is not that I'm not 'feeling good' but more that I am not at peace with myself. I have unrest in my spirit, I have a pitiful ache in my soul. and I just simply don't want to let go of it. Which is pretty pathetic when you think about it. God would not be happy with me ... which is also probably why I'm not 'feeling good'.

I guess although sometimes it can be good to wallow in self misery FOR A SHORT PERIOD, you have to always pull yourself out the other side with a better understanding of who you are, and why you are, and (as Chad said this morning) "Who's" you are. I think it is in this understanding, and comprehending that we can really start to have peace, no matter what our situation.

I need to 'feel' that right now, and I guess if I'm not 'feeling' it, I need to at least 'know' it.

and I do.

and I do 'feel' better.

venting over.

This weekend we spent Saturday at Del Mar beach, with Andy and Laura... (that's me and Laura in the water, with little 'caper' running like crazy towards Andy...)




The Sunset over Mission Bay,