I'm feeling "Ecclesiastic"
This is going to be a personal-bummer blog. (just a disclaimer)
I can always tell when I am beginning to PMS -- the littlest things begin to annoy, frustrate and downright demote my attitude to the point where I wish I could run and hide from all aspects of life and just "be" -- without having to worry about anything, namely, OUT of the present situation that accounted for the particular mess in the first place.
I had one (many) of those incidents today. And I guess it simply makes me look back at myself and wonder about life and what could be, or couldn't.
Today, work frustrated me. And it wasn't the "work" part of it (although, that right now is getting hairy) I was feeling the beginnings of overwhelmation (is that a word -- if not, I just made it up, people) because I am in the middle of 3 HUGE deadlines and I forgot my jump drives today (yep, all of them) so that sort of hinders what I can do at work and what I can't. So, I've had one job all day, which I've stayed on top of very well, and done what I could. But then, came the almighty lunch time, and in true Jenny style, we were having a Birthday Party for some lady (who I have never met) in (dun, dun, duhhhhh) the Board room.
I have NEVER yet had a good experience in the board room, I think mostly because it's one of those places that is SO completely stereotypically "Corporate"; just one HUGE table, surrounded with leather chairs and big windows on one side. It's all beige and black and at lunch, it was once again, packed with people I don't really know celebrating someones' birthday, I don't really know.
So, I walked in hoping for a quiet entrance and the whole room is quiet, seated with people around the table once again and I am odd ball out. I make my way to the side where there are two other stragglers and stand, for about 5 mins, then quietly leave. Nobody noticed me, no one cared. I just went in for the free "soda" I guess.
But it is truly times like those that I just have to shake my head and try to convince my mind (which is now feeling the close after-effects of jr. and sr. high school) that it really does NOT matter. These people do NOT think of me, the way that I think of me. And although right now is difficult, in so many ways, it's not permanent.
There is a saying "It is better to have loved and lost, than to have never loved at all." In my situation, I keep telling myself "It's better to have been unemployed with bountiful freedoms and loose financial stability once upon a time, than to never have had that at all" but through all of that I keep missing my old situation so much, eventhough, when I was in my old situation, it was harder, and there were days' just like today, where I longed for something more, something different.
I guess it's the human condition to always want something that, at the present is unattainable and once we strive for it and succeed, we are left with the same hole as before, because the goal has changed. Thank God, things are not permanent, not matter what they are. Things always change, because time keeps us running after our dreams.
At least that's what I keep telling myself.
I can always tell when I am beginning to PMS -- the littlest things begin to annoy, frustrate and downright demote my attitude to the point where I wish I could run and hide from all aspects of life and just "be" -- without having to worry about anything, namely, OUT of the present situation that accounted for the particular mess in the first place.
I had one (many) of those incidents today. And I guess it simply makes me look back at myself and wonder about life and what could be, or couldn't.
Today, work frustrated me. And it wasn't the "work" part of it (although, that right now is getting hairy) I was feeling the beginnings of overwhelmation (is that a word -- if not, I just made it up, people) because I am in the middle of 3 HUGE deadlines and I forgot my jump drives today (yep, all of them) so that sort of hinders what I can do at work and what I can't. So, I've had one job all day, which I've stayed on top of very well, and done what I could. But then, came the almighty lunch time, and in true Jenny style, we were having a Birthday Party for some lady (who I have never met) in (dun, dun, duhhhhh) the Board room.
I have NEVER yet had a good experience in the board room, I think mostly because it's one of those places that is SO completely stereotypically "Corporate"; just one HUGE table, surrounded with leather chairs and big windows on one side. It's all beige and black and at lunch, it was once again, packed with people I don't really know celebrating someones' birthday, I don't really know.
So, I walked in hoping for a quiet entrance and the whole room is quiet, seated with people around the table once again and I am odd ball out. I make my way to the side where there are two other stragglers and stand, for about 5 mins, then quietly leave. Nobody noticed me, no one cared. I just went in for the free "soda" I guess.
But it is truly times like those that I just have to shake my head and try to convince my mind (which is now feeling the close after-effects of jr. and sr. high school) that it really does NOT matter. These people do NOT think of me, the way that I think of me. And although right now is difficult, in so many ways, it's not permanent.
There is a saying "It is better to have loved and lost, than to have never loved at all." In my situation, I keep telling myself "It's better to have been unemployed with bountiful freedoms and loose financial stability once upon a time, than to never have had that at all" but through all of that I keep missing my old situation so much, eventhough, when I was in my old situation, it was harder, and there were days' just like today, where I longed for something more, something different.
I guess it's the human condition to always want something that, at the present is unattainable and once we strive for it and succeed, we are left with the same hole as before, because the goal has changed. Thank God, things are not permanent, not matter what they are. Things always change, because time keeps us running after our dreams.
At least that's what I keep telling myself.
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