Random Pondering of an insecure mind.
So -- it's Wednesday again =) But that's not why I'm blogging!
I've been having strange days the last little bit. Been coming down from the hype of last week, where everything was insane ... then not so much. This week's been a lot quieter, but very full of "inner" things. The steady feeling like things are beginning to shift. Like I'm sailing on a boat and all of a sudden the wind is starting to blow, ever so gently in a direction that I can't quite feel yet and I'm beginning to drift in a direction that I originally wanted to go, but now that I'm beginning the journey I'm not so sure anymore.
The Unknown.
I've been dreaming like crazy ... interesting and unusual dreams ranging from talking with the Devil and being pushed up a slide by God (no kidding) to getting on stage and not having a voice to sing, or even talk with ... and I think it's boiling down to a case of the "I don't think I can's" when it comes to our music. It makes me think of what I do have going on -- which isn't so bad (aka career) but also kind of un-fulfilling and wanting so much to do something else with what we have (aka music) but seeming sooo very far-fetched that I wonder if I'm wasting my time and should just settle down, have a kid and be normal, mundane and existing like the rest of the world. (No offense to those who have children, I'm sure the rewards are amazing and I just don't understand that yet) Maybe someday I will.
Bottom line is I am always changing. My feelings are inconsistent and unreliable. I can't even count on myself. Which I guess is good ... to a point -- If I feel like I can't do it -- than I should press on to see if I can. I don't know what the answer is, but God does -- and I guess He does the rest.
I need to open my lungs and sing -- but remember to breathe first.
Till next blog. ~ a.
I've been having strange days the last little bit. Been coming down from the hype of last week, where everything was insane ... then not so much. This week's been a lot quieter, but very full of "inner" things. The steady feeling like things are beginning to shift. Like I'm sailing on a boat and all of a sudden the wind is starting to blow, ever so gently in a direction that I can't quite feel yet and I'm beginning to drift in a direction that I originally wanted to go, but now that I'm beginning the journey I'm not so sure anymore.
The Unknown.
I've been dreaming like crazy ... interesting and unusual dreams ranging from talking with the Devil and being pushed up a slide by God (no kidding) to getting on stage and not having a voice to sing, or even talk with ... and I think it's boiling down to a case of the "I don't think I can's" when it comes to our music. It makes me think of what I do have going on -- which isn't so bad (aka career) but also kind of un-fulfilling and wanting so much to do something else with what we have (aka music) but seeming sooo very far-fetched that I wonder if I'm wasting my time and should just settle down, have a kid and be normal, mundane and existing like the rest of the world. (No offense to those who have children, I'm sure the rewards are amazing and I just don't understand that yet) Maybe someday I will.
Bottom line is I am always changing. My feelings are inconsistent and unreliable. I can't even count on myself. Which I guess is good ... to a point -- If I feel like I can't do it -- than I should press on to see if I can. I don't know what the answer is, but God does -- and I guess He does the rest.
I need to open my lungs and sing -- but remember to breathe first.
Till next blog. ~ a.
Comments
ps. "bloom where you're planted." :)