What really matters?
Today is Friday -- again -- like the strange revolving door of my life which begin's on Mondays, slow, dreary, dreading the week filled with random boredoms and brief interludes of captured excitements. It's caps on Friday, when I can sit in my little fluorescent-lit cubical and think of Saturday (which is my most favourite day of the week) because: I can just do whatever I want, I'm not bound my a time clock, not bound by "stuff" to do, I can just rest, just be, but mostly I'm not confined, I think that's what I like best about it.
My mind has been a swimming sea of thoughts this week. Thinking about the band, our music, work, what I have to do, what i need to get done. It all comes, punctuated by deadlines or events and then leaves to be replaced by the necessities of life and the thoughts of what's next. I'd like to just have the ability to "be". To be comfortable in my skin, in the night, when I lie awake, generally, this last week I've had SO much on my mind I haven't thought about that too much, but I think it's important.
I don't want to get swallowed up in what I do for a living (which I've done) or what I want to do with my life (which I struggle with all the time). Because it's all about action, and what if we had to stand still? What if all we had were our hearts, staring us in our faces, asking ... you were so busy doing all this "stuff" that I'm alone, I don't have a home ... I've been sleeping on the street of your soul, while you played with all your earthly desires till the wee hours of the morning, but I stayed, cause I had no where to go -- I don't have direction on my side, or doing ... I just have being.
So, I guess all that to say, I want to live in great communion with my heart, and hope that my heart is in communion with God, so that when it comes down to it, I am not defined by my actions, or what I do, but I am shaped and molded by my heart, which shines through every broken crack of my earthly body, and lights maybe just one persons way to our Father.
What really matters? I guess I don't know for sure, but it's WAY bigger than me, than I can even wrap my mind around.
Till Next Blog. ~ a.
My mind has been a swimming sea of thoughts this week. Thinking about the band, our music, work, what I have to do, what i need to get done. It all comes, punctuated by deadlines or events and then leaves to be replaced by the necessities of life and the thoughts of what's next. I'd like to just have the ability to "be". To be comfortable in my skin, in the night, when I lie awake, generally, this last week I've had SO much on my mind I haven't thought about that too much, but I think it's important.
I don't want to get swallowed up in what I do for a living (which I've done) or what I want to do with my life (which I struggle with all the time). Because it's all about action, and what if we had to stand still? What if all we had were our hearts, staring us in our faces, asking ... you were so busy doing all this "stuff" that I'm alone, I don't have a home ... I've been sleeping on the street of your soul, while you played with all your earthly desires till the wee hours of the morning, but I stayed, cause I had no where to go -- I don't have direction on my side, or doing ... I just have being.
So, I guess all that to say, I want to live in great communion with my heart, and hope that my heart is in communion with God, so that when it comes down to it, I am not defined by my actions, or what I do, but I am shaped and molded by my heart, which shines through every broken crack of my earthly body, and lights maybe just one persons way to our Father.
What really matters? I guess I don't know for sure, but it's WAY bigger than me, than I can even wrap my mind around.
Till Next Blog. ~ a.
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