And, so here's the update....
Well, it's been a ridiculously busy week for me =( ... Today I woke up and in the beginnings of my day before my eyes opened, I literally thought it was Saturday ... only to realize about 2 mins later it was actually Friday and I would have to go to work and slave one more day before my weekend!
No fear. I made it to work and am now running out the clock. (shhhhh, don't tell anyone) This weekend will be a bit weird cause Jay is going to a bachelor party in Las Vegas, leaving tomorrow morning (I know, before everyone freaks out, I am trusting Jay completely, and the guys he's going with are a bit on the nerdy side, so, I'm not anticipating there being any trouble ... cross my fingers and pray.)
It does leave me with a weekend ALL to myself, WITH our car no less ... so this little world is my oyster for the next two days ... I'm really hoping to do some song writing and catch up on work (whoo hoo, I know) but I may drive down to Encinitas tomorrow and take in a coffee and consignment shoppe.
Anyways, back to this week -- the biggest news of all, mostly, which in itself is not that big, but it was my reaction to it all that surprised me. Jay and I have decided to hold off on buying a home, till at least the fall. This decision was cemented by the fact that we then went ahead and paid OFF our credit card ... which wasn't really huge, but it means we now have NO debt here in the US and we can put our efforts concentratedly on saving our money. We had looked at one last place on Monday, the nicest by far, but realizing we would need to go through their financial institutions, and THEN realizing that because of interest rates, our buying power had changed, and ALL the emotional drama that had come to that point, Jay didn't want it anymore and I broke down. I won't lie, I cried for a good half and hour. (And that was what surprised me!) because I guess i didn't really realize how emotionally invested to the idea of a house, I had become... I literally felt heartbroken, and I know I shouldn't, but just the idea of "giving up" (or what seemed like giving up) felt so huge to me. I was angry at the bank, angry at the govt. angry at myself. But I guess it goes to show that anger is just fear misplaced, and truth be told, I am afraid of never having a home. I'm afraid of never having a family, afraid that what if what we're doing right now with our music is a waste of time. Sometimes all these things seem so much bigger than me. That's when I need to remember there is one God, who I believe in, who is BIGGER than everything. And if I truly have faith in Him that He loves me, and his plans for me are good and for my benefit, I need to trust in this time, even though it's not according to MY plan ... it IS according to HIS. Somehow I need to rest in that.
That though, my friends, is the hard part =)
Well, the only other news of any note-worthiness is some photos I can share of our last show we did in Carlsbad. The venue was a bit sketchy at first (I didn't know if we'd even play) but we did, and I think it was our best show to date.
I think I will do some soul-searching song writing this weekend while I'm alone. I'll let you know how it goes.
Till Next Blog ~ love, a.
No fear. I made it to work and am now running out the clock. (shhhhh, don't tell anyone) This weekend will be a bit weird cause Jay is going to a bachelor party in Las Vegas, leaving tomorrow morning (I know, before everyone freaks out, I am trusting Jay completely, and the guys he's going with are a bit on the nerdy side, so, I'm not anticipating there being any trouble ... cross my fingers and pray.)
It does leave me with a weekend ALL to myself, WITH our car no less ... so this little world is my oyster for the next two days ... I'm really hoping to do some song writing and catch up on work (whoo hoo, I know) but I may drive down to Encinitas tomorrow and take in a coffee and consignment shoppe.
Anyways, back to this week -- the biggest news of all, mostly, which in itself is not that big, but it was my reaction to it all that surprised me. Jay and I have decided to hold off on buying a home, till at least the fall. This decision was cemented by the fact that we then went ahead and paid OFF our credit card ... which wasn't really huge, but it means we now have NO debt here in the US and we can put our efforts concentratedly on saving our money. We had looked at one last place on Monday, the nicest by far, but realizing we would need to go through their financial institutions, and THEN realizing that because of interest rates, our buying power had changed, and ALL the emotional drama that had come to that point, Jay didn't want it anymore and I broke down. I won't lie, I cried for a good half and hour. (And that was what surprised me!) because I guess i didn't really realize how emotionally invested to the idea of a house, I had become... I literally felt heartbroken, and I know I shouldn't, but just the idea of "giving up" (or what seemed like giving up) felt so huge to me. I was angry at the bank, angry at the govt. angry at myself. But I guess it goes to show that anger is just fear misplaced, and truth be told, I am afraid of never having a home. I'm afraid of never having a family, afraid that what if what we're doing right now with our music is a waste of time. Sometimes all these things seem so much bigger than me. That's when I need to remember there is one God, who I believe in, who is BIGGER than everything. And if I truly have faith in Him that He loves me, and his plans for me are good and for my benefit, I need to trust in this time, even though it's not according to MY plan ... it IS according to HIS. Somehow I need to rest in that.
That though, my friends, is the hard part =)
Well, the only other news of any note-worthiness is some photos I can share of our last show we did in Carlsbad. The venue was a bit sketchy at first (I didn't know if we'd even play) but we did, and I think it was our best show to date.
I think I will do some soul-searching song writing this weekend while I'm alone. I'll let you know how it goes.
Till Next Blog ~ love, a.
Comments
my heart breaks with yours. i am praying.
i love you.
em.