Antsy

We have had the pleasure of having ANTS (the wee, tiny, brown bodied kind that San Diego seems to have been built on) invade our kitchen. We had a decent sized swarm on Thurs. of last week ... to which jay and I literally assaulted any way that we could. (I drowned a huge lot, and Jay was spraying with Lysol mildew remover w/bleach the rest of them) we annihilated the group, so we thought, but they were literally coming through cracks in our walls, so we had to call our landlady to get them to spray ... they're due to be at our home sometime today, though at this point (and a whole long weekend later of war with the ants) I'm not sure what they'll be spraying ... or where.

For those who do not know. Ants in San Diego are pretty invasive. They seek out water and food of almost any kind. At first you can just squish the couple that you see, but if these little insects happen to find something and you aren't there to stop them right away, they litterally become a super highway of moving black bits, about your kitchen and home ... not very pleasant. But it makes me think of the term "Antsy" because I was thinking earlier today that, that's how I am feeling right now when I think of what I am doing (or in this case, feel like I am NOT doing) in service to God.

I came back from Hillsong, all completely ready to be challenged, and moved (more) and to live in service to those who need it ... and I am still feeling like nothing has changed.

I have been doing children's worship for just three times in the last, oh, prob. two months. I have been going through my worship songs, bringing out my guitar and practicing, and playing and singing worship with these little ones. Every time has been amazing.

But of late, ever since coming back from Hillsong, and being SO incredibly moved by worship and by what God is doing, I'm feeling more and more that I wish I was involved in music, MORE. For the first time, in I don't know HOW long, I miss pouring over music, picking songs, praying, seeking, and leading others (along with myself) into God's very presence. I miss so much sharing in that way. And more and more I'm feeling restless, antsy, if you will, about what I'm supposed to do.

I know our band has it's path to run. I'm excited and I pray about it because I know it's important, but maybe I should pray more. I read last night in Luck where Jesus is instructing the disciples to pray and he says ...

"⁹"So I say to you: Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. ¹⁰For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened.

¹¹"Which of you fathers, if your son asks for a fish, will give him a snake instead? ¹²Or if he asks for an egg, will give him a scorpion? ¹³If you then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give the Holy Spirit to those who ask him!"

Now, read that last part right, how much more will your Father in heaven give THE HOLY SPIRIT to those who ask him ... so it becomes not so much even about praying for things, but praying to be anointed for things? To be empowered for things? Maybe even just to be closer to God, through the Holy Spirit, through ALL things? Makes me wonder what the Holy Spirit's role is ... and how I can allow it to be so, in my life ...

I'm not sure ... but I feel deep inside, and almost that I know, that my worship does not want to be silent, I want to spill forth so that the rocks don't have to cry out. I need to meditate more on all these things, but just wanted to share.

When we get home, I hope the ants are outside where they belong =)

Till Next blog ~ love a.