A Baby or a Dream
Long awaited
lovingly
fearfully anticipated
expectations
take fruition
through pain and blood
water and wonder
love spilling
over and under
first breath giving
spirit a flash of life
plucked from
eternity
to mark earth
with her own beauty
fragile
first born
first cries
I am alive
------------------------------
(written of our friends who, at this very moment are in labor giving birth to their first girl)
------------------------------
I have had dreams in the past that I have a child. I can't recall whether they've been boys or girls. Just that there is a baby ... and I am carrying it around on my hip ... or hunting for it (which I know, is pretty strange). As I write this two of our good friends are in the hospital having they're first baby, a little girl. While I wait to hear the news of her safe arrival, I can't help but think of, well, babies. I've had so many friends and acquaintances in the last years have their first baby, it inevitably comes to mind. In a way the 'baby" question almost haunts my soul with a sort of cruel mockery, whispering to me how I am getting older, accomplishing not very much, but oh, if I but had a child. Flesh of my flesh to raise and call my own, how happy and satisfied it would make our families, how we would be able to relate to our "babied" friends. Then the otherside takes a turn and laughs at my hypothetical mothering skills, and how there is no guarantee that he/she will "turn out alright" ( ... as if there is a proper definition for that anyways). Will they be an angel, God loving, worshipping little one, or a bad seed, destined to go against the grain, against their parents, against God.
This world can be a cruel place laced with beauty that you must search for to see.
At this point in my life, I am uncertain if I will have a child. I am plowing, selfishly some would say, into my dreams, hopeful that one day I will have a little kindle of my own, but not knowing and frankly, not planning. I am not defined by whether or not I decide to have children. At least, that's what I keep telling myself. I cannot worry because that is wasteful and faithless and above everything, I desire to be a woman of faith.
Till Next Blog ~
a.
lovingly
fearfully anticipated
expectations
take fruition
through pain and blood
water and wonder
love spilling
over and under
first breath giving
spirit a flash of life
plucked from
eternity
to mark earth
with her own beauty
fragile
first born
first cries
I am alive
------------------------------
(written of our friends who, at this very moment are in labor giving birth to their first girl)
------------------------------
I have had dreams in the past that I have a child. I can't recall whether they've been boys or girls. Just that there is a baby ... and I am carrying it around on my hip ... or hunting for it (which I know, is pretty strange). As I write this two of our good friends are in the hospital having they're first baby, a little girl. While I wait to hear the news of her safe arrival, I can't help but think of, well, babies. I've had so many friends and acquaintances in the last years have their first baby, it inevitably comes to mind. In a way the 'baby" question almost haunts my soul with a sort of cruel mockery, whispering to me how I am getting older, accomplishing not very much, but oh, if I but had a child. Flesh of my flesh to raise and call my own, how happy and satisfied it would make our families, how we would be able to relate to our "babied" friends. Then the otherside takes a turn and laughs at my hypothetical mothering skills, and how there is no guarantee that he/she will "turn out alright" ( ... as if there is a proper definition for that anyways). Will they be an angel, God loving, worshipping little one, or a bad seed, destined to go against the grain, against their parents, against God.
This world can be a cruel place laced with beauty that you must search for to see.
At this point in my life, I am uncertain if I will have a child. I am plowing, selfishly some would say, into my dreams, hopeful that one day I will have a little kindle of my own, but not knowing and frankly, not planning. I am not defined by whether or not I decide to have children. At least, that's what I keep telling myself. I cannot worry because that is wasteful and faithless and above everything, I desire to be a woman of faith.
Till Next Blog ~
a.
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