"MySelfish"
I think I've invented a new word -- myselfish.
I thought of it this morning as I was sort of digesting a conversation that Jay and I had on our way to works. We were talking about life situations, how he's been a bit frustrated the last day about some situations, in particular, certain individuals who he meets at work who are focusing their attentions on "making their careers" in music, and not just music (which, by any standards, is a hard enough place to break into) but music in church.
Now don't get me wrong, there is NOTHING wrong with doing this I suppose. But the catch is, your very heart needs, NEEDS to be in the right place. You cannot be doing it for money, you can't be doing it for musical gain and you can't be doing it because you want people to notice you. And keep in mind I say all these things now as someone who is receiving money from our church to keep the music going every Sunday.
It's kind of a dicey road to be on. I think we need to constantly check our hearts and realign it with what the Gospel says about serving. More and more I am realizing that what we need to do every Sunday is SO much larger than Music. We need to be willing to move for people and on behalf of the people. We need to have compassion and just love them. And also allow ourselves to be vulnerable -- which is really hard for some to do.
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So, it comes to this (for me, and all the more when I think of not just our church but our music, even our jobs): The more I think about "what" I should be doing, the more I realize that it's not WHAT I do, it's HOW I choose to DO it ... and if I do ANYTHING, big or small, without love, I have really done NOTHING but serve myselfish.
I feel challenged to invest my love into our church body. Even though I feel like an outsider, a minority. Even though I fight within my heart, if I am up there every Sunday and I can't look at those people and love them, my voice is in vain -- it is even disgusting to God. If I were to be honest with myself (and you!) I would say that I am beginning to love them, but I'm scared. But I do love God, and that is the first step.
So, that is my heart right now ~ till next blog =)
love a.
I thought of it this morning as I was sort of digesting a conversation that Jay and I had on our way to works. We were talking about life situations, how he's been a bit frustrated the last day about some situations, in particular, certain individuals who he meets at work who are focusing their attentions on "making their careers" in music, and not just music (which, by any standards, is a hard enough place to break into) but music in church.
Now don't get me wrong, there is NOTHING wrong with doing this I suppose. But the catch is, your very heart needs, NEEDS to be in the right place. You cannot be doing it for money, you can't be doing it for musical gain and you can't be doing it because you want people to notice you. And keep in mind I say all these things now as someone who is receiving money from our church to keep the music going every Sunday.
It's kind of a dicey road to be on. I think we need to constantly check our hearts and realign it with what the Gospel says about serving. More and more I am realizing that what we need to do every Sunday is SO much larger than Music. We need to be willing to move for people and on behalf of the people. We need to have compassion and just love them. And also allow ourselves to be vulnerable -- which is really hard for some to do.
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1 Corinthians 13
1If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. 2If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. 3If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing.----------------------
So, it comes to this (for me, and all the more when I think of not just our church but our music, even our jobs): The more I think about "what" I should be doing, the more I realize that it's not WHAT I do, it's HOW I choose to DO it ... and if I do ANYTHING, big or small, without love, I have really done NOTHING but serve myselfish.
I feel challenged to invest my love into our church body. Even though I feel like an outsider, a minority. Even though I fight within my heart, if I am up there every Sunday and I can't look at those people and love them, my voice is in vain -- it is even disgusting to God. If I were to be honest with myself (and you!) I would say that I am beginning to love them, but I'm scared. But I do love God, and that is the first step.
So, that is my heart right now ~ till next blog =)
love a.
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