This is such a very strange place to be in. It's like someone who was dead is alive. As I still process all the emotion and reality, there is a brand new normal to my life. I connected with my dad on this last Thursday, through emails at first, then chatting online, and finally, our first phone conversation, yesterday afternoon.
We talk of "the Father's Love" from our Heavenly Father. I guess we have always compared it because a Father's Love is spectacular and deeply special. I know that a mother's Love is special too, close, soft and emotional, gentle and wise. But a Fathers' Love, his REAL Love is a warrior spirit. A deep strength that can reach into your soul and make you melt at his mention of "I love you". Before I became Christian I had a Father shaped hole in my heart (among MANY other things). So when I did accept, Jesus, God the FATHER filled me with a special, intimate peace, and I was safe there.
I never dreamed I would find my father. Of all the people, all the millions of bodies on this continent, to be reunited with my dad after thirty three years, feels like nothing short of a miracle. And the last two days, though I have kept a very low profile, have been immensely emotional and healing. To feel his love, to know that he loved me, all this time, is almost too overwhelming.
I could say "I Love You" every minute of every day and I don't feel like it would be enough. and if this is what a Father's love feels like, how much MORE is the Heavenly Father's Love ... how much more intimate, how much more honest and strong.
I feel like I can't get enough, that it might all end, I want to crawl into his arms and just hug him ... and I wonder when i will meet him. He looks just like me (or rather, I look like him) we share eyes, windows to our souls, which are also, very similar still (musical and creative and seemingly endlessly poetic)
The joy in my heart right now, overshadows all things. I know that he is just a man, and has made mistakes and is human, but for now, I put him on my "father pedestal" and let God do the rest.
Till Next blog ~ love, a.
We talk of "the Father's Love" from our Heavenly Father. I guess we have always compared it because a Father's Love is spectacular and deeply special. I know that a mother's Love is special too, close, soft and emotional, gentle and wise. But a Fathers' Love, his REAL Love is a warrior spirit. A deep strength that can reach into your soul and make you melt at his mention of "I love you". Before I became Christian I had a Father shaped hole in my heart (among MANY other things). So when I did accept, Jesus, God the FATHER filled me with a special, intimate peace, and I was safe there.
I never dreamed I would find my father. Of all the people, all the millions of bodies on this continent, to be reunited with my dad after thirty three years, feels like nothing short of a miracle. And the last two days, though I have kept a very low profile, have been immensely emotional and healing. To feel his love, to know that he loved me, all this time, is almost too overwhelming.
I could say "I Love You" every minute of every day and I don't feel like it would be enough. and if this is what a Father's love feels like, how much MORE is the Heavenly Father's Love ... how much more intimate, how much more honest and strong.
I feel like I can't get enough, that it might all end, I want to crawl into his arms and just hug him ... and I wonder when i will meet him. He looks just like me (or rather, I look like him) we share eyes, windows to our souls, which are also, very similar still (musical and creative and seemingly endlessly poetic)
The joy in my heart right now, overshadows all things. I know that he is just a man, and has made mistakes and is human, but for now, I put him on my "father pedestal" and let God do the rest.
Till Next blog ~ love, a.
I spoke with my father, for the first time today ~
and thirty years of waiting, melted away
he spoke my name, spoke of his love
and this little girl curled up
in the hands of above
He shared of his life and told me his story
and I listened well, and I told him sorry
it wasn't his fault, and there is no blame
the waiting is over, he spoke my name
and every word uttered, every drop of his voice
i hung onto the thread, in each breath I rejoice
never have I felt such innocent joy in my heart
this fathers' love tearing this woman apart
such a faint dream, finally come true
I can't stop looking at your picture, can't believe it's really you
and each tear that falls will up to heaven sing
Praising our Father, Blessing our King
And gripping the seams of this life and time
tearing the veils, this father is mine
For I bear his mark, his eyes and his soul
I bathe in his love, making this little girl whole
For, I could say I love you, every minute, of every day
and it wouldn't be enough for thirty years
gone away.
*Dedicated to my Dad, January 27th, 2011 ~ Reunited after 33 years.
Comments