Bring on day 8!

-
After a lovely and relaxing weekend (we even went to a friends house and made them a completely vegan salad for lunch after church) the work week always seems to start with a bang.

I can say first that my mood at work has been less than thrilling and today the CEO resigned, so gives you an idea of the general direction of all things here.  It was her own free will ofcourse, and I don't blame her for leaving really ... it has been VERY hard for me to be motivated here, to do anything creative. I am doing as much as I need too, but being a creative person, I just feel SO completely UNinspired by all that has been happening here and I'm not sure if the fast really has a whole lot to do with it, tho I imagine prob. a bit of warfare going on. It's been hard for me to feel happy here -- tho I know for sure that's not the goal ever, but contentment is, and that I do not have.

Today's reading was about Affliction (such a hard-core-sounding word, lol) and the reading was from Psalm 119: 
71 It was good for me to be afflicted
   so that I might learn your decrees.
How appropriate for me right now!! I need to start seeking God and I guess asking Him what I need to LEARN here, not just grumble and complain about how I am feeling and how this situation is sucking the creative will to live out of my bones ... 
75 I know, LORD, that your laws are righteous,
   and that in faithfulness you have afflicted me.
76 May your unfailing love be my comfort,
   according to your promise to your servant.
77 Let your compassion come to me that I may live,
   for your law is my delight.
Oh, how all we should long for is that we might live!! I have been trying to go the the Flower Fields each day at lunch and try to meditate on the verse for the day and pray, and on Friday I was sitting looking up into the fluffy clouds that roll off the ocean and make their way up the hill and I heard the phrase in my mind "I want you to see me, everywhere"  ... everywhere? I thought ~ it's easy to see you in nature and things that are pleasing, things that we love, but so much harder to see God in people we don't like, don't love, people who have hurt us.  It impressed upon my heart that I guess ~ all people, ALL people are made in the image of God. And maybe God is trying to tell me something about my situation that I fully don't know yet ~ yesterday a song came on my iPod by Michael W. Smith called "Everywhere I go, I see you", and I thought "I think God is trying to hit me on the head with this a bit?

I'm not fully sure. But I do know that this fast is good, and it is hard, and I have felt closer to God and also, more emotional and unstable, wanting to comfort myself with even something so simple as food, and I can't.  So, the Lord himself needs to be my comfort.  His unfailing Love ...


Dear Lord,
Today I struggled with comfort -- feeling uncomfortable at work and in my stomach.  I yearn for a touch from you.  Please as I meditate on your word and seek your face, do not hide your presence from me, sustain me in the ways that you can and continue to show me your truth. And also, help me to indeed SEE you in everything, and be blessed by that.
Thank you Jesus ~

Till Next Blog ~ love, a.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

If I ever wondered if HE loved me

-
Image
So, I'm going to admit how pathetic and "of little faith" I can be with this post. Of course, there needs to be a bit of prelude-type explanation. On Nov. 20th my husband and I will celebrate a special anniversary -- 4 years since leaving our home -- the only one we've known in Sherwood Park, Canada -- and driving, with only our car, clothes and guitars across the border and down, down, down to San Diego, California. (that's 1751 miles south) Our reason for the move was to pursue our music, our mission and our dreams and just a new life, pioneers of sorts. It would take me many blogs to say how many times God has shown me his love through the whole process, from easy stops at border crossings, to precisely timed Visa interviews, to lenient border guards, to miracles in paperwork and finding jobs, it is astounding how He has continually provided for us, and continually strengthens my faith through circumstance. So, enter here and now, almost 4 years later after V...
Read more

Hope and Beyond

-
Image
There has been a lot of emotion for me the last couple days ~ it's hard to describe to someone who doesn't understand. After finding out that my dad that I've never known, is alive and has been looking for me, and after being found by a half sister -- worlds just are not the same.  The very person who's lack of presence has had a mighty hand in shaping the person that I am, is now is this strange half-shadow that is almost within reach, but still not accessible. My heart wants to scream sometimes (a messy mixture of fear, frustration and joy) but I know that I need to give him the space that he needs.  It's all so very messy this life, this love.  God has been the only father's love I have known -- but as I believe that God is creating great healing and restoration to my dad's soul and mine as well. I described this way to a good friend of mine: It's like your life is this little house, with all these windows letting in light, and you know these w...
Read more
-
Image
Today I have a bad attitude. It's not even like I have a really good excuse, in fact they are pretty pitiful but I'll share. I have this pretty uncanny ability to wake up RIGHT at my alarm ... I'm not talking in the general vicinity of when it goes off, by 5 or 10 mins ... this morning, I literally woke up walked to my phone and my alarm went off, that's like 30 seconds early. So, you would think the morning is off to a good start. I worked out and thought about sitting on my couch with my warm and fuzzy latte in hand and got to the fridge, only to realize that my darling husband had used all the milk. This is not a big deal (or it shouldn't be) but we actually really had no real food anyways, no eggs, not even a bun or toast, so my breakfast hiatus from my day was thwarted. Never fear, I can get food at work - no biggie. So, work is work. I drive, I arrive. It's corporate, and now, thanks to our inter-office move, ridiculously quiet. And it's good, none ...
Read more