The heart is willing but the flesh is weak

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So we have gotten to day 18 of the fast (!!) only four more days to go till we are finished. Both Jay and I are admitting to struggling yesterday, and today feels irritated.  Which is strange, I don't know if it's because we can see the end of this discipline that it's starting to wear on us, or if the diet itself, because we are in a state of perpetual, slight fatigue that it's becoming cumbersome. Whichever the case, I can say I am feeling it today.

SIDEBAR:
Tho I have to say, I smelled some coffee in the cafeteria this morning and it actually grossed me out (haha!) it WAS icky "nestlé coffee machine coffee" ... still tho ... possible step forward?

It's all too easy to lose sight of the benefits of what we are putting ourselves through.  We are making our bodies slaves to us, instead of the other way around -- which is a space I think many people live and pay rent.  Today's reading was on "Running to win the Prize":

I Corinthians 9:24-28
24 Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one gets the prize? Run in such a way as to get the prize. 25 Everyone who competes in the games goes into strict training. They do it to get a crown that will not last, but we do it to get a crown that will last forever. 26 Therefore I do not run like someone running aimlessly; I do not fight like a boxer beating the air. 27 No, I strike a blow to my body and make it my slave so that after I have preached to others, I myself will not be disqualified for the prize.
 I'm not sure why, but the "emphasis added" phrase above really struck a chord with me today. I think because that is what this fast is doing for me.  I do want to stay here, not a slave to my selfish desires and mindless eating, I want to always eat for health and encouragement for my body, but not abuse it, and not go back to how I was before.  I wasn't "bad" with my health, but I would say I am def. undisciplined.  I think that discipline is a big part of this fast, and a large part of how we can more fully live for Christ. (and not just with food -- with many, many things!)

Another verse that has sat with me this week is this:
James 3:8
8 Peacemakers who sow in peace reap a harvest of righteousness.
In context it talks about wisdom, and true wisdom as opposed to earthly.  And my desire is to be a peacemaker ~ that I may sow in peace and reap a harvest of righteousness -- what a thought, a HARVEST of RIGHTEOUSNESS ... I truly can't even imagine what that might look like, or feel like, but I guess that's what this life journey is all about.

Dear Lord, Please create in me a clean heart, and renew a right spirit, that I would be in your strength and run the race before me to win the prize, that I would be a peacemaker and sow peace, that turns to flower to righteousness.  These things are too large for my heart to take in, but I follow in faith, till you return to this earth -- or I return to your heaven. I love you Lord ~ Amen
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So, some important life updates =)  Aside from our fast, many amazing things have been taking place -- our album was released on Tues. on iTunes and other major online outlets ~ so now the real work begins ~ but it is all def. good. =)  We will be having a CD Release Celebration of sorts in the mid to end of Sept., no firm date set but I am in talks with our friend Cedrick at MediaTech about having it there, we'll invite some media and really try to create a buzz ... I feel positive about this.

Also, I have made the decision to fly to Minnesota Aug. 15th - the 19th to meet and visit with my sisters, Emma and Elle.  Emma is visiting her family for 10 days and since both the girls will be in the same place, I thought it providencial to visit.  My dad won't be there, but I have talked with him about it and asked if I have his blessing, which of course, I do. In his words "of course!! that is what I want you to do!".  At first I was aprehensive about it, since it's pretty huge, but in praying about it during this time and asking God if this was the right thing to do, I did hear something to the effect of " don't you think I have orchestrated this for such a time as this?"  It will be a blessing I think, more than actually I can imagine right now.  So, I guess I have to buy my plane ticket next, (!!) ... crazy times =) but good  ... this year has been something else so far ~

Thank you for following along =) Till Next Blog! love, a.

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