One Second
It really is true that everything can change in an instant. We spend our lives working towards gradual change that we wish for in our hearts (goals, jobs, children), but really our lives are made up of instants, by instants of change. Some are small, almost un-noticable. Others we spend our whole lives living with the consequences.
On Wednesday I had one of those instances on the way home from the airport with my sister Emma (bless her sweet heart, I do love her!). We had just cruised Sunset Cliffs and I was taking her on a bit of a driving tour through Point Loma and decided to head home around 5.
I knew the traffic would be bad, but I wanted to get her home to C-Bad to visit with Jay and start our amazing short vacation together.
Right after the 805 interchange on the Freeway where you start to head into Del Mar, everything changed. I had just changed lanes (no pun intended) but traffic was beginning to slow (in fact, we stopped) and I wanted to get back into the lane i had just come from so we could continue home. Traffic began to move again, and shoulder checked to change my lane
and everything changed.
I looked back, to see the very large back end of a Suburban and Emma yelling, "look out" before I could almost react I slammed into him. Hood crumpled. No airbags (thank God) I actually don't even think I was going that fast ... if I had to guess, I would say between 10-15 miles an hour, maybe even less ...
But now everything was different. The car just sat there, in sort of a sick and silent way. The lights on but nobody is home kind of way and in the midst of my swearing and shaking Emma had to tell me to turn the hazards on ... I got out of the car and went to check on the other driver (who was fine also, tho his passenger was holding her neck). They were driving an SUV with my paint on their bumper, so tho I have been pretty much sick with worry over her, I am sure she will most likely be fine, she is in my prayers lots.
A gentleman behind me, (who was gracious enough to stay with me till the tow truck came) was very calm and kept telling me not to worry, accidents happen, it could happen to anyone, he was my (undeserving) good samaritan.
the Car did not start so we had to flat bed it to the dealership which, even at this moment we're waiting to see if our car will be fully fixable or not.
Everyone keeps telling me that insurance will take care of things, and so far it is. But my heart is sick, and in one instant, ONE SPLIT instant, everything is changed.
The things that I thought about, that I even focused my energies on, just don't seem important.
Nothing is worth carelessness. And I made a very foolish mistake. A very expensive one. And of course, I wonder what God is teaching me through this. I am still digesting it all. Trying to make sense of things, trying to forgive myself for putting my sister and myself (and others) in danger and harm. Trying not to dwell on the instance that everything could have been different.
This is prob. one of the toughest things we've had to deal with in our marriage to date. And one of the toughest things I've had to deal with in my adult life. But now, I am painfully aware of the seconds.
And I know that it prob. sounds like I am making this a bigger deal than it is, because I know all will be o.k. and as so many have told me "this too shall pass" ... but it feels big ... bigger than me, and I that just means that I have to give it to God, over and over again.
Till Next Blog.
love a.
On Wednesday I had one of those instances on the way home from the airport with my sister Emma (bless her sweet heart, I do love her!). We had just cruised Sunset Cliffs and I was taking her on a bit of a driving tour through Point Loma and decided to head home around 5.
I knew the traffic would be bad, but I wanted to get her home to C-Bad to visit with Jay and start our amazing short vacation together.
Right after the 805 interchange on the Freeway where you start to head into Del Mar, everything changed. I had just changed lanes (no pun intended) but traffic was beginning to slow (in fact, we stopped) and I wanted to get back into the lane i had just come from so we could continue home. Traffic began to move again, and shoulder checked to change my lane
and everything changed.
I looked back, to see the very large back end of a Suburban and Emma yelling, "look out" before I could almost react I slammed into him. Hood crumpled. No airbags (thank God) I actually don't even think I was going that fast ... if I had to guess, I would say between 10-15 miles an hour, maybe even less ...
But now everything was different. The car just sat there, in sort of a sick and silent way. The lights on but nobody is home kind of way and in the midst of my swearing and shaking Emma had to tell me to turn the hazards on ... I got out of the car and went to check on the other driver (who was fine also, tho his passenger was holding her neck). They were driving an SUV with my paint on their bumper, so tho I have been pretty much sick with worry over her, I am sure she will most likely be fine, she is in my prayers lots.
A gentleman behind me, (who was gracious enough to stay with me till the tow truck came) was very calm and kept telling me not to worry, accidents happen, it could happen to anyone, he was my (undeserving) good samaritan.
the Car did not start so we had to flat bed it to the dealership which, even at this moment we're waiting to see if our car will be fully fixable or not.
Everyone keeps telling me that insurance will take care of things, and so far it is. But my heart is sick, and in one instant, ONE SPLIT instant, everything is changed.
The things that I thought about, that I even focused my energies on, just don't seem important.
Nothing is worth carelessness. And I made a very foolish mistake. A very expensive one. And of course, I wonder what God is teaching me through this. I am still digesting it all. Trying to make sense of things, trying to forgive myself for putting my sister and myself (and others) in danger and harm. Trying not to dwell on the instance that everything could have been different.
This is prob. one of the toughest things we've had to deal with in our marriage to date. And one of the toughest things I've had to deal with in my adult life. But now, I am painfully aware of the seconds.
And I know that it prob. sounds like I am making this a bigger deal than it is, because I know all will be o.k. and as so many have told me "this too shall pass" ... but it feels big ... bigger than me, and I that just means that I have to give it to God, over and over again.
Till Next Blog.
love a.
Comments