When do you know it's real?

The last couple days have been really eye-opening for me.

Before Christmas I applied to the DIVE worship school in North Carolina.  DIVE is put on by a lady named Rita Springer, a highly respected and (I think) very God Centered and Prophetic worship leader whom I admire very much.

I had been thinking about applying for years really ... since I discovered it, but, it's in North Carolina (so plane ticket) and, it's $1500. I don't have that kind of money in easy disposal, so I've always put it off ... but before Christmas, when they announced the first date for 2013 I just thought, if money is the ONLY thing holding me back, I don't want it too. So I prayed as I applied, that God would move and make a way.

Quite honestly I didn't even think I'd get accepted, but a couple weeks later I got an email from Rita herself, saying that I did. 

The only problem is --- I don't have the money for it. And so began the journey of trusting—and as I'm realizing—breaking my pride.  Because you see, it's humbling to ask for money from people. It's like admitting that you need help, or admitting that you're one of "them" ... that ask.

I know that sounds bizarre but it's what I've been faced with because I really would like to go, but the one thing holding me back, is the one thing that I don't have. That I prob. could have if I dug into my pockets and became broke for a bit, but I so much want it to be a move of God, be directed by HIS hand, not mine.

And now I am faced with this: When do I know it's real.  When do I start trusting that He is moving. And how do I know that He really wants me to go, that this is part of the plan, when things are moving slowly, if not at all ... what if he doesn't provide?

I've reached out to a couple close friends and so far have only gotten confirmation from one. So, is one enough?  and why am I second guessing myself?

All these questions, and no answers as of yet.

Please join in prayer with me.  That if this experience is what I need that God would give me confirmation that I KNOW that i am sowing into His kingdom by doing this. By leaving my job and husband for a week of intense searching and creative expression, and it's not just me.

Till Next Blog ~ love a.