DIVE: One Year Later ...
I've been marinating the content of this blog for quite a while — 2014 is turning out to be quite the year, no understatement ... In the last four weeks, we had layoffs at work, which resulted in me becoming a one-woman creative services dept for our entire organization and losing my partner in crime, which proved to be quite a bit more sad and stressful than i had expected. I celebrated my 36th birthday in Maui, with a cold and came back to a fire-storm at work, which is just beginning to let up. And as of today, we are officially a one-income household, with Jay leaving his job at BBros (which is actually a very GOOD thing, it just holds a lot of unknowns for us, but, this is not new).
A year ago, at this time I was experiencing a songwriting and worship retreat that was essentially knocking my spiritual socks off in every way. I was surrounded by ladies with hearts like mine and each of us was finding our "wings" (as Rita Springer calls it). It was an emotional and spiritual high that I thought would propel me forward with greater vision, and greater certainty of my calling ... and it has, but, as all things tend to be with the Lord, it hasn't been in the ways I had thought, or hoped, BUT it has ALL been for good.
So, how has DIVE changed me, one year later?
1) My walk with the Lord is closer than it has EVER been. EVER. Seriously, and I didn't feel "far" from God before, but my appetite for scripture and the word of God is steady. One of the things Rita had challenged me with was reading the word, EVERY morning and journalling. First thing, before you do anything else, open that book up! I confess, I have NOT read the bible every morning, BUT I have read it almost every day, from Proverbs and Psalms up through the prophets and now into the new testament (I'm in Luke ch 9 currently). This has been an amazingly big deal for me. Not only do I receive revelations and knowledge every morning, it has inspired and changed my songwriting, and it has (I think) helped me to be more obedient to my gifts of discernment and prophecy in worship (and outside of it). The Lord is INFINITE! I will never fully know Him, but I am closer now than ever before, and I only want to know Him deeper.
2) My songwriting has evolved ... I'm not exactly sure HOW it's evolved yet ... I can't say it's gotten better, or worse,(I would like to think better, I don't like to compare myself, to anyone, let alone, myself, lol). I challenge myself MORE when I am songwriting. Before I would just sort of let things flow out and how they landed was how they stayed. Now I am a bit more methodical about how I write, I am also much more confident in it.
3) My worship leadership has blossomed. I realize that before I went to DIVE, I was leading worship yes, but I was doing from a place of "not thinking I could do it", instead of taking a full hold of the mantel that the Lord had given me. I have more confidence now, in my leading and my speaking. If I feel the Lord is telling me to say something, ask the congregation something, or just rest in something, I am obedient to it now, more than ever before. I feel like my "spiritual lens" is clearer, if that makes sense? and the passion that I have now when I am leading or singing, is simply that people would be absolutely drawn into the presence of God, so much so that they cannot deny His beautiful voice, what He is speaking to their hearts. and I'm learning to get out of the way ;) As I learn to listen to Him I am also learning to let Him lead.
4) I am standing in the knowledge that He has healed me, and He is giving me the desires of my heart. When I left for DIVE last year, my father, and that whole situation was a VERY big wound for me, but I was able to release it to the Lord and begin a journey of healing. And through that the Lord has given me different dreams. When I left for DIVE and even more so when I came back, I wanted to do my own music, write and record a CD and do that whole music thing. And don't get me wrong, I still have all those songs, I am still writing and my dream is STILL for these songs to come to the place where they are "born" into a project. But I had a lot of "growing up" to do. A lot of comparison, jealousy and pride to deal with this year, and it's been hard, but as I let that go, it is preparing me for that place where those songs CAN be released.
It's been a lot of giving up, a lot of surrender, and lots of tough stuff, but I stand now as a daughter of God, a unique spiritual sister to some of the most precious ladies I have ever met. I cannot WAIT to see what will unfold in our lives. I am so thankful for DIVE, and I pray that I continue to go deeper.
Till Next Blog ~ love a.
A year ago, at this time I was experiencing a songwriting and worship retreat that was essentially knocking my spiritual socks off in every way. I was surrounded by ladies with hearts like mine and each of us was finding our "wings" (as Rita Springer calls it). It was an emotional and spiritual high that I thought would propel me forward with greater vision, and greater certainty of my calling ... and it has, but, as all things tend to be with the Lord, it hasn't been in the ways I had thought, or hoped, BUT it has ALL been for good.
So, how has DIVE changed me, one year later?
1) My walk with the Lord is closer than it has EVER been. EVER. Seriously, and I didn't feel "far" from God before, but my appetite for scripture and the word of God is steady. One of the things Rita had challenged me with was reading the word, EVERY morning and journalling. First thing, before you do anything else, open that book up! I confess, I have NOT read the bible every morning, BUT I have read it almost every day, from Proverbs and Psalms up through the prophets and now into the new testament (I'm in Luke ch 9 currently). This has been an amazingly big deal for me. Not only do I receive revelations and knowledge every morning, it has inspired and changed my songwriting, and it has (I think) helped me to be more obedient to my gifts of discernment and prophecy in worship (and outside of it). The Lord is INFINITE! I will never fully know Him, but I am closer now than ever before, and I only want to know Him deeper.
2) My songwriting has evolved ... I'm not exactly sure HOW it's evolved yet ... I can't say it's gotten better, or worse,(I would like to think better, I don't like to compare myself, to anyone, let alone, myself, lol). I challenge myself MORE when I am songwriting. Before I would just sort of let things flow out and how they landed was how they stayed. Now I am a bit more methodical about how I write, I am also much more confident in it.
3) My worship leadership has blossomed. I realize that before I went to DIVE, I was leading worship yes, but I was doing from a place of "not thinking I could do it", instead of taking a full hold of the mantel that the Lord had given me. I have more confidence now, in my leading and my speaking. If I feel the Lord is telling me to say something, ask the congregation something, or just rest in something, I am obedient to it now, more than ever before. I feel like my "spiritual lens" is clearer, if that makes sense? and the passion that I have now when I am leading or singing, is simply that people would be absolutely drawn into the presence of God, so much so that they cannot deny His beautiful voice, what He is speaking to their hearts. and I'm learning to get out of the way ;) As I learn to listen to Him I am also learning to let Him lead.
4) I am standing in the knowledge that He has healed me, and He is giving me the desires of my heart. When I left for DIVE last year, my father, and that whole situation was a VERY big wound for me, but I was able to release it to the Lord and begin a journey of healing. And through that the Lord has given me different dreams. When I left for DIVE and even more so when I came back, I wanted to do my own music, write and record a CD and do that whole music thing. And don't get me wrong, I still have all those songs, I am still writing and my dream is STILL for these songs to come to the place where they are "born" into a project. But I had a lot of "growing up" to do. A lot of comparison, jealousy and pride to deal with this year, and it's been hard, but as I let that go, it is preparing me for that place where those songs CAN be released.
It's been a lot of giving up, a lot of surrender, and lots of tough stuff, but I stand now as a daughter of God, a unique spiritual sister to some of the most precious ladies I have ever met. I cannot WAIT to see what will unfold in our lives. I am so thankful for DIVE, and I pray that I continue to go deeper.
Till Next Blog ~ love a.
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