Hello Again ...
Wow, I realize it's been about 2 and a half years since my last blog post ... I did not forget that I had this little blog, sitting here in cyber space, but I did kind of decide to step back.
Now, I'm in a place where I want to step back from some things, and step back INTO others. And maybe this place is one of them.
As I sit here and type, it's a Sunday afternoon. There is the warm late afternoon glow echoing across the leaves and trees outside, soft piano jazz is playing and the love birds, are well, basically ruining the peace for a moment, letting the outside world know that THEY are the birds here in this house.
I've been wrestling with some heart things lately.
Physically I've just gotten over being sick and feeling pretty not well for prob. about 3 weeks. I was up on the mountain top at our women's retreat last week, doing music and ministering and being sick and resting all at once, lol ... and now I'm in the valley.
I've been wrestling with music, with "ministry", with church, with life. We lost our sweet "doggie-girl" about 3 1/2 months ago, and it's gotten a lot better, but honestly, when I think upon her, who seems a bit like a dream now, I am still so sad. And I haven't been the same.
I am not excited about life. About what we are doing. Everything seems like a chore, and it feels like I am doing it all. by. my. self. It seems like everything is futile. Chasing after the wind. It feels like I'm just doing life. Just running the race, but right now, I'm laggin' ... and I need some inspiration.
So, where do you look for such things? Is it as easy as looking out your window? Is it stepping back and seeing things for how they REALLY ARE, not how my feelings are dictating them to be.
And what am I even doing here? Am I where I want to be? I had such a stride for a while, and now I just feel lost. Kind of tossed into the middle of some placid lake, alone, but treading water.
So, I was thinking of all these things, and I remembered that I had this blog, and I thought to myself, I should just sit and write whatever comes to mind and just express, not worrying about who will see it, who will like it, who won't. This is a zero judgement zone.
And maybe I'm the one who needs to be the first to stop judging ...
Till next blog ~
love, a.
Now, I'm in a place where I want to step back from some things, and step back INTO others. And maybe this place is one of them.
As I sit here and type, it's a Sunday afternoon. There is the warm late afternoon glow echoing across the leaves and trees outside, soft piano jazz is playing and the love birds, are well, basically ruining the peace for a moment, letting the outside world know that THEY are the birds here in this house.
I've been wrestling with some heart things lately.
Physically I've just gotten over being sick and feeling pretty not well for prob. about 3 weeks. I was up on the mountain top at our women's retreat last week, doing music and ministering and being sick and resting all at once, lol ... and now I'm in the valley.
I've been wrestling with music, with "ministry", with church, with life. We lost our sweet "doggie-girl" about 3 1/2 months ago, and it's gotten a lot better, but honestly, when I think upon her, who seems a bit like a dream now, I am still so sad. And I haven't been the same.
I am not excited about life. About what we are doing. Everything seems like a chore, and it feels like I am doing it all. by. my. self. It seems like everything is futile. Chasing after the wind. It feels like I'm just doing life. Just running the race, but right now, I'm laggin' ... and I need some inspiration.
So, where do you look for such things? Is it as easy as looking out your window? Is it stepping back and seeing things for how they REALLY ARE, not how my feelings are dictating them to be.
And what am I even doing here? Am I where I want to be? I had such a stride for a while, and now I just feel lost. Kind of tossed into the middle of some placid lake, alone, but treading water.
So, I was thinking of all these things, and I remembered that I had this blog, and I thought to myself, I should just sit and write whatever comes to mind and just express, not worrying about who will see it, who will like it, who won't. This is a zero judgement zone.
And maybe I'm the one who needs to be the first to stop judging ...
Till next blog ~
love, a.
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