South Carolina Day three — Strangers

 Today was a mixed bag. 

I was awoken to a text from my dad first thing, “in a lot of pain, I think I may be dying, please pray” … I didn’t get it till way later, but prayed and then waited to hear from him. Breakfast was cancelled but I ended up driving over for 9 a.m.

My dad was laying out on the couch in his pajamas, hunker over in pain, unable to move very well … I felt completely helpless … and also I was there. I kept him company and was baffled at how he still tries to get up and get around and do things while he is so ill. I often wonder how sick he really is, or if he just thinks he is sick. 

After a couple of hours he began to move about and we did end up going out to get lunch to bring back to the house. The food here is pretty shitty. The bread tastes like cardboard.

I took no photos today … well, actually I did take a couple. When we drove into town for lunch my dad took me to this little barber shop, that looked like it was in a building that was abandoned. It was just a rectangular room on the inside. Covered music equipment in the front. Tons of photos lined the sides as well as handwritten signs. An old black man and his wife sat in the front on two chairs. In the back his daughter (?) her husband and their son, who was maybe four, sat and played video games on his iPad. It felt like a third world country in a way. The gentleman was very sweet, a Christian man I believe. He told me he wanted to make Music for the Lord. I guess my dad plays in a band with him. He told me I was meek and humble, which I will take as a compliment. And I got to share a bit of my story with him, and my dad, which was special.

I did almost crash at the end of today tho. I wasn’t going to stay for dinner, and almost lost it in the bathroom. But ended up clearing my head, taking a couple of breaths and making it back. 

I don’t know why it’s so hard. Am I sill expecting my dad to be something that he cannot be? And what am I looking for for myself here? I know I was running from home., but what do I want to find here, aside from a piece of myself. I need to remember to take care of myself. Eat, Sleep, breathe.

I am tired.