Crashing California

I  have a confession.  And this confession will really either educate you all on my personality and being, or make you think I am right crazy (or a bit of both, lol) but I know that those who read here can be trusted =) I ran into a particular "issue" of the variety that requires antibiotics this week. No biggie right.  Here is the something that you might not have known about me. I have a complete phobia of taking pills.  It's not the swallowing them deal that scares me, it's the list of side-effects a mile long that come with whatever said drug I am needing to consume.  I don't know what it is but my mind runs rampant with ever ache, pain, tingle, and tinge that is not normal and thinks that I must be having an adverse reaction to whatever I am taking and I get incredibly (unusually) anxious about taking further pills, until about 3 or 4 pills in, till I really do realize that they are NOT infact killing me, and I can relax. I literally have to psyche ...

Mom and Me ~ in and around SD! and yes, we do have the same flipflops ... lol those are both our feets! This last week and a bit has been very out of the ordinary -- my mom flew down to visit for a week during my birthday -- which was pretty cool and coincided with Jay flying off to Hawaii to spend some time with his Dad for a week. My mom left on Wednesday and I couldn't help but feel rather isolated. With my mom AND my husband both more than equally thousands of miles a part from me. But I don't know that lonely was the word.  I have been trying to pray to God and just know that He is with me. But I would not like to do life alone. I guess it's good to realize that every once in a while. This morning is raining down our winter from the heavens and I am enjoying some brewed java for the first time in a while (my coffee maker broke, so last night I went out and bought a small coffee press, I've always wanted one, and this one is large enough for just one cup, ...

{Can I just say for the record (completely NOT the content of my blog) I can't stand it when people come into my little crap-tastic office for two and begin a conversation with my co-hort by either a) speaking another language (spanish) or b) speaking in a very low/whisper type voice so as too assume that I cannot hear what they are saying, and really I can't, but still, I'm like 5 feet away ... c'mon people ... just happened at any rate, in case you couldn't tell, haha ... onto the blog} Reflections can be what you see in a mirror, a lake or other body of water, maybe a piece of "shiny something" ...and being the beginning of this year, 2012, it's time to do some reflecting, and also some "future gazing" ... it's a good day for that as I got my first, "call back" interview with a company I had met with before Christmas.   -- I can now confirm, I am completely disengaged with the whole JC machine.  In reality I am just wait...

I am caught in an interesting point of reflection.  We are playing a show tonight (a very late one at that, so that sucks slightly) so we jammed quick and have come home here to chill before we make the 40 min drive down into San Diego, to the Ruby Room to get on stage at 11:00 pm ... so here i sit, all made up ... with my glitter and boots and heavy eyeliner, in an odd reflection.   It's times like these I wonder a bit why we are doing this.  Off we go, to another (prob. empty) club, with a small stage, dirty floor and crappy sound system, to bleed our creativity and souls out on the stage and over the floor and hope that it soaks into someone out there ...I wonder sometimes if it will really matter, and what God really thinks of this, does he love me in my war paint that I say I put on for him?  Is it really for him? for His glory? or am I just attaching the name of Jesus to my dreams so that no matter what they are, somehow they seem valid and meaningful?...

  (a word about the card -- I wanted to do our own take on the whole "family picture" Christmas Card deal, this is a bit tongue-in-cheek, but I thought it was cute, and couldn't resist!) This year has been a weird one ... very eventful, stressful, and hopeful all at the same time.  Prob. the biggest thing for me was finding my dad and the whole other family I didn't know I had ... we finished and released our first album ... I guess it's been a year of beginnings, I hope and pray this next will be a year of growth. Growing in our new relationships, growing our band, growing in faith and hope and love.  May we never forget the reason for this season, and the REAL meanings in life, and love. We are but dust in the wind, a fading flower ~ all is for nothing if there is no hope in Jesus. Thank God there is! Merry Christmas Everyone!! Till Next Blog ~ love, a.

This past Friday we finally, FINALLY celebrated the release of our first project, My Death. We were fortunate enough to have it at MediaTech, the state of the art facility where Cedrick works. We decorated (well, myself and Adri did) and we invited about 60 of our closest friends to enjoy some light refreshments, tours of the studio and we recorded AND taped an acoustic show at the end of the night. It was really spectacular, and if money was no option, I know exactly what I would do with these raw elements that we have now at our disposal.  ;)   (Enhanced DVD in a double disc set) ... I have no idea how much that is, lol ... but I guess it's something to put a mark towards. It's kind of strange being on the other side of this now.  Not really sure where to go, and at the same time, the canvas is wide open. Opportunities now await ... but where and when remains to be seen ... for now I'm going to focus on Christmas preparation (services on the EVE and the Day ...

( see full image ) so I just finished putting up the tree ;) feels good but now I have to vaccuum lol  till next blog! xoxo