Crashing California

Dear Dad, I hate that I am writing this  -- I've been fighting it for a long time.  But one day everything will be brought to the light, and it's too dangerous for me to keep silent, keep these emotions locked in the house of my heart.  I am getting older, and this woman doesn't need to feel like a little girl. Even though I do, every time I think of you. and I suppose it's easier and better this way, I know it is because I can rationalize and understand the circumstances as a woman, not a girl, but in that same breath it's that much harder because there is no going back. and the feelings that I wish I could own I can't. Because you can't give them to me. Why did you leave? —and I'm not talking about now (because that's how I feel, if there was ANY way for someone to leave someone else without even having met them, a large congratulations because you seem to have accomplished the impossible) — I am talking about the first time you ran ... the...

so, I had written a post for christmastime, but I'm deciding against posting it, as it's a bit more just for me and I may share it in the next couple days ... but we'll see ... it's about my dad. (Self explanitory). For now, I just wanted to send out a Very Merry Christmas into our internet-blog-land from us. The year has been pretty loaded with good things and some tough stuff. We bought our first home (yay!) and said goodbye to our humble beach pad. Had our music recognized by the Hollywood Music in Media Awards and our album added to Pandora (the largest music website here in the US).  We had a wonderful trip to Maui and I had my sister (fathers' side) down to see California.  On the downside of the year, we (I) had a car crash in the subaru, which resulted (thankfully) into two cars, for nearly the same out of pocket.  And we said goodbye, just recently, to our Grandma Huzil, who went to be with the Lord on Dec. 14th. I guess I should also mention we survi...

At our first Christmas Party of the Season. Well, I'm glad to see my blog back in the internet-sphere!! (In case anyone had noticed, the home page had disappeared the last little while!) Plus,  I've been so busy the last little while, quite honestly, writing has been the last thing on my mind, but as Christmas begins to creep it's head into the near future, I realize, it's been a LONG while ... and peeps deserve an update! It's been a whirl of a last couple months. The accident of October has catapulted the Huzil's into not one, but  (as of today infact) TWO new cars ... one little green "munster" (my primary ride) a 2013 Kia Soul, and a 2008 Infinity G35 S for Jay. We just signed the papers on that puppy this afternoon.  It might seem like a strange move from the outside, since Jay loved the Subaru so very much, but I think we both could agree, after the accident, the car just sort of lost a bit of it's lustre ... it carries bad m...

It really is true that everything can change in an instant.  We spend our lives working towards gradual change that we wish for in our hearts (goals, jobs, children), but really our lives are made up of instants, by instants of change. Some are small, almost un-noticable. Others we spend our whole lives living with the consequences. On Wednesday I had one of those instances on the way home from the airport with my sister Emma (bless her sweet heart, I do love her!).  We had just cruised Sunset Cliffs and I was taking her on a bit of a driving tour through Point Loma and decided to head home around 5. I knew the traffic would be bad, but I wanted to get her home to C-Bad to visit with Jay and start our amazing short vacation together. Right after the 805 interchange on the Freeway where you start to head into Del Mar, everything changed.  I had just changed lanes (no pun intended) but traffic was beginning to slow (in fact, we stopped) and I wanted to get back into t...

It's day 6 of my Daniel Fast, round three =)  So far it's been pretty (dare I say) easy ... I have not struggled with food cravings really at all (though I have been offered chocolate, candy, coffee AND today at JC they are having a Mexican Buffet) and I didn't even experience a caffeine headache when I stopped drinking coffee, which, if you know me, is almost a miracle! (thank you LORD!) But one thing I HAVE noticed is I am praying more, AND when I read the word of God, it lights up like a firecracker -- which is awesome, and hasn't happened for me for some time.  So, during my fast, I am praying about a couple things, I am lifting my brother Dylan and Mom, I am praying about our music, direction and also that God would give me words because we want to write a whole new album (side note we are actually working on the acoustic album from our release in DEC!! I know, ti's been a while, so that's super exciting) and pretty much all else that comes to mind =)  I ha...

Super quick update!! we head up to Canada on Wednesday for Amanda's Wedding and lots of family visiting, and I dont' have to go back to JC till Sept. 4th after this coming Tuesday! (woot!!) To be quite truthful, I've been feeling particularly burnt out this last week. Among quite a bit of family things going on, Break Forth is in full swing, and as much as I love working for them, it's also very demanding and can take a lot out of me .... So, not only have I felt emotionally tapped and stressed, but work is NOT helping, lol -- but, this morning I awoke, was outside having coffee and breakfast with Jay and this amazing Monarch Butterfly landed RIGHT in the tree on our fence ... of course, you know me, I ran and grabbed my camera and had an impromptu photo session with this little creature, and somehow, I felt recharged. It's like God knows exactly what to do to refresh my spirit, and it can be in the simplest ways =) Here is my favorite capture from this morning....

My view @ lunch So, it's been one whole month since our move. I am transitioning from being a beach-loving hippie to (surprisingly) being a garden growing hippie =) It's been interesting because tho moving away was hard, what we have now is SO wonderful, So much ours. We are continuing to make a house a home, and there are still things that we will work on, I think it's ongoing (as everyone keeps telling us).  We are truly blessed and everyday I am reminded that God gave this wee home to us. I am slowly transforming our back patio into the garden of my dreams (for now) ... I am allowing myself to splurge a bit, on a "papasan" chair (a big round and EVER comfortable place to sit, sip or read).  My first rose bush. A Fuchsia tree. A Tuscan fountain. yes ... it may be a bit overkill, but it's where i can go to chill out now ... and afterall, even Jesus retreated into the garden to pray ... so I'm trying to make it my sanctuary, seems that I need one o...