Crashing California

well, we have *almost* made it through our 21 Day Journey!! Today is day 21 in the Daniel Fast, the last day.  Jay and I went for a glorious run this morning along the beach (don't worry, I am still into my P90X, I'm in my "rest" week right now, so it's cardio and stretching for pretty much all 6 days ... so I am subbing some runs in, since afterall, we DO live in one of the most beautiful places on earth and I've realized that it means alot to Jay to be able to get up and do these things together. The practical side of this fast first: It's been alot of work -- and I'm not talking about the spiritual side of things, but just practically, in the kitchen. I have cooked more in the last 21 days than I usually do in prob. 2 months, and NO going out to eat has been a part of that too, but the fact that you just make so much of what you eat from scratch, it's been labour intensive, lol ... and the dishes (ugh!) haha, but overall a good experience. ...

So we have gotten to day 18 of the fast (!!) only four more days to go till we are finished. Both Jay and I are admitting to struggling yesterday, and today feels irritated.  Which is strange, I don't know if it's because we can see the end of this discipline that it's starting to wear on us, or if the diet itself, because we are in a state of perpetual, slight fatigue that it's becoming cumbersome. Whichever the case, I can say I am feeling it today. SIDEBAR: Tho I have to say, I smelled some coffee in the cafeteria this morning and it actually grossed me out (haha!) it WAS icky "nestlé coffee machine coffee" ... still tho ... possible step forward? It's all too easy to lose sight of the benefits of what we are putting ourselves through.  We are making our bodies slaves to us, instead of the other way around -- which is a space I think many people live and pay rent.  Today's reading was on "Running to win the Prize": I Corinthians 9:...

2 weeks down! Just 1 to go!!! I feel like I don't even remember what it's like to eat anything but good fruits and veggies and soy products, lol. Today's devotion was on Hebrews 12 :   " Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us..." And so I've been praying about the "races" that are set before us.  Our job situations (band, our day jobs, direction for both).  Our church worship leading, our lives here in SoCal.  There are so many races that we run every day!  But to "throw off" all that hinders (slows us down!) and the sin that so easily entangles ~ but to run with perseverance ( steady persistence in a course of action, a purpose, a state, etc., especially in spite of difficulties, obstacles, or discouragement.) (that's from dictionary.com) .....

wow, it's hard to believe we are pretty much halfway on our fast! On one hand, I can't believe we've lasted this long (lol) and on the other hand, it feels a bit like we've lived this way for a long time!  My relationship with food has changed, I have searched my heart (or at other times been forced to face it in all it's selfishness) and have come out halfway ... here are some of the things I have been learning: I've learned that I miss herbal tea the most ~ it was a comfort to me that I cannot have, but I've seemed to develop a desire for the word of God -- and scripture seems to be sticking to me too.  I'm not sure if it's because I never really read it right before, or if it's indeed because of our fast -- but I like it. I've learned that I'm selfish beyond compare when it comes to food ~ we are so used to getting what we want, and the baseline is food ~ eating whatever, whenever we like ~ it is a selfish thing really, when you de...

Today is Day 9 ~ I think aside from day 3, yesterday was the second hardest day for me! ... I think I am starting to get it.  Ofcourse, the whole aspect of working out (P90X still going strong) is making it hard for me for sure, but I keep thinking, as long as I am feeding myself the fuel I need, I will be fine. So, here is what I think I am getting about this fasting experience.  As I eluded to yesterday -- it is not comfortable.  And when I say comfortable, I don't mean like feeling uncomfortable like you're sitting on rock or something and your not comfortable. It's more like, I cannot comfort myself with food.  And food for me, has always been a failsafe comfort.  Because my "go-to" comfort cannot do so, I am fighting being miserable.  The first couple days -- no problem because it's only been a couple days (!!) try feeling no comfort for longer and your body will start to cry out. My body and soul -- my manishness, is crying out now, and not happy...

After a lovely and relaxing weekend (we even went to a friends house and made them a completely vegan salad for lunch after church) the work week always seems to start with a bang. I can say first that my mood at work has been less than thrilling and today the CEO resigned, so gives you an idea of the general direction of all things here.  It was her own free will ofcourse, and I don't blame her for leaving really ... it has been VERY hard for me to be motivated here, to do anything creative. I am doing as much as I need too, but being a creative person, I just feel SO completely UNinspired by all that has been happening here and I'm not sure if the fast really has a whole lot to do with it, tho I imagine prob. a bit of warfare going on. It's been hard for me to feel happy here -- tho I know for sure that's not the goal ever, but contentment is, and that I do not have. Today's reading was about Affliction (such a hard-core-sounding word, lol) and the reading was...

So, I had what Jay is lovingly referring to as my first "Break-through" yesterday.  After a VERY trying day at work (with the lay-offs and uncertainties, and finding out that three other people that i work closely with, two of which were friends, are also gone) I was pretty dis-heartened, exhausted and, well, hungry. We got home and were going to have to rush to Dave's home for worship practice, so there was no real time to cook anything, and the fast is so restrictive that really, unless you plan, things are hard to find.  I stood in my kitchen, thinking of the day, and how all I really wanted to do was fricken EAT! Something good, something that would just fill me because I felt drained! And I started to cry. I started to cry because I felt exasperated that I couldn't just eat and feel good, and then I kept crying because I realized that I was eating (and have truly eaten in the past) to comfort myself.  Food is comforting after all, and there is nothing wrong w...