Crashing California

Today I am wearing a tailored suit jacket by the designer Jean Paul Gaultier. A french couture designer, this Jacket was made in Italy (so it's bearing patch says on the inside lining). I found this jacket-gem at the consignment store (which if any of you know me, know I refer to it lovingly as "my" consignment store).  I haven't been making to many apperances there as of  late, since I am trying to curb my shopping habit and my current wardrobe has literally broken my closet (I'm not kidding, Jay fixed it) but I simply cannot pass up a good deal, and this my friends, was a deal of all deals. The retail sticker price was still hanging in the coat -- a bland testament to it's earthy value and worth -- a white 3" x 1" tag from Barney's New York that reads $1240.  I paid $75. Clearly you can see the deal here.  The coat is very "Gaultier" by it's tailored cut, impecable lining and interesting european cuts and designer "un-belli...

I am going through a song writing kick as of late ... just dealing with all the extra emotion (or taking advantage of I guess) that's going on in life.  Been writing alot ... thinking alot and praying alot. Been busy alot too (haha!) JC work is blowing up -- but the good news is its working out great for me (sort of ... just really in the kudos dept.)  I guess the weekend that I went to the conference, all the leadership team here went to Switzerland and got their butts kicked by the marketing guy, so they came back and we need to redesign pretty much ALL our program materials because they are grotesquely outdated, lol, so yours truly, literally got told "Just do whatever you like" with our menu redesign, and I did, and they liked it ... seriously wish I could get a raise for helping them all keep their jobs, haha ... but all is well.  So, work is busy. Inbetween this I had gone to that conference in Saddleback ... the conference was really amazing ... it was very deep ...

Wow, sorry for the huge lag!!! I was going to try to wait exactly one month but I got a call from a wonderful friend yesterday (Murray) that guilted me (haha!!! not completely -- more like just kicked my butt into gear) into getting back on here and writing a bit.  There are reasons that I won't go into for the lag, and reasons that I will ~ I have just come through a very busy time (personal, obviously) and work and I've been waiting for the oportune time to dive back into things ... now seems like it. Here is a quick update from the Huzil front =) Things with my Dad are still going well.  We have calmed down a bit from talking and texting so often, but I find myself missing him when we don't for a couple days.  But this kind of relationship is really pretty strange to navigate and begin.  It's so instant and yet, so new all at the same time. (Everyone, here is my most favorite pic, so far, of my dad, I think it shows he quirky personality and his eyes, which a...

This is such a very strange place to be in. It's like someone who was dead is alive. As I still process all the emotion and reality, there is a brand new normal to my life.  I connected with my dad on this last Thursday, through emails at first, then chatting online, and finally, our first phone conversation, yesterday afternoon. We talk of "the Father's Love" from our Heavenly Father. I guess we have always compared it because a Father's Love is spectacular and deeply special. I know that a mother's Love is special too, close, soft and emotional, gentle and wise. But a Fathers' Love, his REAL Love is a warrior spirit. A deep strength that can reach into your soul and make you melt at his mention of "I love you". Before I became Christian I had a Father shaped hole in my heart (among MANY other things). So when I did accept, Jesus, God the FATHER filled me with a special, intimate peace, and I was safe there. I never dreamed I would fin...

There has been a lot of emotion for me the last couple days ~ it's hard to describe to someone who doesn't understand. After finding out that my dad that I've never known, is alive and has been looking for me, and after being found by a half sister -- worlds just are not the same.  The very person who's lack of presence has had a mighty hand in shaping the person that I am, is now is this strange half-shadow that is almost within reach, but still not accessible. My heart wants to scream sometimes (a messy mixture of fear, frustration and joy) but I know that I need to give him the space that he needs.  It's all so very messy this life, this love.  God has been the only father's love I have known -- but as I believe that God is creating great healing and restoration to my dad's soul and mine as well. I described this way to a good friend of mine: It's like your life is this little house, with all these windows letting in light, and you know these w...

Sometimes, some things are better left unsaid ~ and it is so true that the power of life and death is in the tongue.  Once you open your mouth and utter words, or open something it can be somewhat like Pandora's Box. I do feel that situation in full force today.  At last I blogged everything was fresh, and I still very much is, but here are the developments from the weekend.  I had sent off an email to Emma (half sister) on Friday, saying that I was still in shock, but very deeply (though somewhat frightened still) want to connect with Phillip (Dad). I told her a bit about myself and gave her the link to our band page ~ and told her if it breaks the ice a little then she could show him that. All Saturday I waited for a response which ended up coming on Sunday morning. (I spent Saturday in a haze of emotion and surprisingly anger -- which I realized after talking w/ God and Jay, comes from the fact that my little life has been rattled rather largely and there is no g...

Ok, so, this is the craziest blog entry to date ~ I don't even know how I should state this, or how to say it, I am still digesting (word of the week) what has happened in the last 12 hrs. So I will just go out on this limb... Last night I found my dad. Well, in technical terms, his daughter found me. On facebook, she emailed me last night the following: "Hello, my name is Emma. We've never met, and judging from the distance between us, that possibility isn't all that likely. However, I wanted to introduce myself to you on the off-chance that we do. My father's name is Phillip King, and, from what I can figure out, he might be your biological father as well. He doesn't know that I'm writing to you, and, though he's curious about you, he's also not very outgoing and probably afraid that you won't want to talk to him..." etc., there was alot more but for the sake of this blog I will cut it short ... So, when I first got this...